Straight Jacket Romance -12-

Six o' clock rolled around too quickly for my taste. Alice, Bambi, and I were led out of the recreational room and down the hallway. I had never been down here before and from the look on Alice's face he had never seen this hallway either or he knew it all too well. There was a spark that lit in his eyes as we reached the door. A recognition, perhaps even a memory.

"Come in, choose a seat." Doctor Treloar was inside waiting for us all.

We silently entered the room looking to the soft plush furniture. Bambi chose a soft looking cream colored chair. Alice and I chose the leather couch sitting side by side. I had no idea why I was so terribly nervous. I knew what would be discussed in this room but still I was scared. There was something both freeing and damning about being open and honest with others.

"Just to start things off Emilie how are you settling in here?" He asked me.

There was a pad of paper resting on his lap, a black pen in his hand. I wondered if he would keep note of what was discussed and how things were answered. Or if they would be filed away in a folder becoming a part of how we were identified. Maybe secretly he just drew pictures and nodded after every statement we made, I almost wanted to think so.

"Truthfully, I freaked out when I initially found out where I was. But Alice and Bambi have helped me immensely." I answered simply.

I knew Treloar was aware there was some connection between Alice and I but I would not be confessing anything fully to him. Something told me if someone got a hold of that kind of information we'd be separated from one another. I could not afford such a drastic move, not now. He kept me sane.

"How do you feel about being here? Emotionally." Doctor Treloar continued to watch me and I shifted in my seat nervously.

I never did well answering questions. I had spent the last few months detaching myself from simple human emotions. At one point in time I thought I would remain emotionally dead but I was feeling more and more each day. And the thing with allowing emotions to surface was that you realized you were more hurt in more ways then you ever let on to others or yourself.

"I was depressed." I answered honestly.
"I could not believe I was here. Nor could I believe why I was here." I glanced downwards.

It was hard to confess these simple things. I knew I was exposing my mind and feelings to the three of them. And I feared judgment above all else. Roger used to judge me so harshly.

"Do you still have suicidal thoughts or any form of sadness about being here?" Doctor Treloar had leaned forward in his chair a little.

I cringed at those words and put my hand on Alice's leg. He seemed to know I needed him and put his hand on top of mine, closing his fingers gently to keep me close. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised by the straight-forwardness of the question but still I felt caught off guard.

"No." I said softly with a shake of my head.
"That night was very unexpected... it was a--" I couldn't find the word to describe just what had happened.

"You hit a breaking point and just couldn't take it?" Alice's voice startled me because I had become so accustomed to Treloar speaking now.

I raised my eyes to his and just nodded.

"It just happened so fast. One moment I was fine and then it just all hit me. I wanted out. I wanted the feelings gone." I looked to Alice as I spoke still and he nodded seeming to understand me.

"And you looked for a way to take those feelings out." There was a odd sense that he knew just what I was speaking about.

"In a method I never would have ever thought of doing." I finished.

We glanced away from one another back to Treloar. He didn't say anything for a moment, he just observed the two of us.

"Shortly I want to just speak with Emilie and Alice..." He said to Bambi seeming to drop the topic for now.

She gently nodded her head.

"Okay Doctor Treloar." She added in her little girl voice.

Treloar kept his attention on Bambi now.

"How have you adjusted to another person being in your room. I know you're very protective of Alice. Have things changed?" He asked concerned for my impact on her.

I sat back silently, worried for the topics to come later in the night.

"I like Emilie." Bambi grinned in my direction pushing her long blonde hair behind her ear slowly.
"She's very nice to me." She gave a nod.

"Do you feel threatened by her? Or her closeness to Alice?" Doctor Treloar meant it when he said he took care of his patients.

He seemed to have everyone's well-being in mind. I admired that quality very much, to ask how patients influenced one another. He was a good man who seemed passionate about his job and the people he took care of. And when Bambi shook her head as if shocked by his statement I couldn't help but feel some relief.

"No! I love Emilie!" She said defensively as if Treloar had intent to take me away from her.

Then, as if a shift in her emotions occurred she suddenly smiled very softly. She looked like a child with a close-guarded secret.

"And I like that Alice likes her." She made a small giggle and Alice and I both stiffened.

Treloar glanced to us and smiled for a moment before looking back to Bambi. I watched intently, afraid of how much would be said.

"Has anything happened that made you feel uncomfortable?" He tried next.

Bambi nodded her head and I was worried what she would confess to. I felt my stomach become queasy at the thought of being removed from their room or being banned from communication with the two. They were my only real friends in this place.

"Gail hurts Emilie. I don't like it." She said boldly.
"She's always very mean to her. Like she is with me." Bambi glanced downwards towards her hands which were resting in her lap.

"How is Gail mean?" Doctor Treloar looked shocked.

It seemed he had even been caught off guard by Bambi's statement but I was not about to speak up. I didn't want to complain against Gail because I knew if she ever got word of it, my relationship with her would only become more strained.

"She's always talking to Emilie so mean. And she grabs her arms and pulls her. I don't like it. I can see it makes Emi sad." She continued on.
"And Gail will touch my drawings and crayons..." She trailed off staring at the floor now.
"I hate when people touch my things." She snarled slightly and I saw the frightening side of Bambi.

She stayed like this for a moment even when Trealoar spoke to her. He had to ask the question twice just to gain Bambi's attention back.

"Is she mean to Alice too?" Doctor Treloar asked realizing he was the only one not being talked about.

Bambi shook her head seeming to be 'present' again and not detached now.

"She's nice to Alice." She answered.
"I think she likes him." Bambi explained with a slightly angry tone.
"She can't like him. Only Emi can." She said defensively.

It was as if Gail would intrude on our insane family we had built here with one another. Bambi didn't want Gail to take 'my' role.

"Thank you for sharing this all with me Bambi, you're free to go to your room now." He indicated the door.
"I made sure to get you some new crayons to draw with and paper so you'll have something to do before bed." He smiled kindly at her and Bambi rose from her seat hugging Treloar unexpectedly.

She looked to Alice and I and waved before exiting the door with a skipping motion to each step she took. This left us alone with the Doctor much more details exposed than I had previously thought there would be. And I was terrified what other information would be surrendered.